The Pearly Gates of Hell {Poem}

I had seen a glimpse of Heaven back then
Or so it seemed
I could have sworn it was a real-life manifestation of what once was my dreams
As the edges of your mouth curled and lifted so did my soul along with it
A single embrace as your arms wrapped around me felt as though I had been wrapped in a gift from the Universe itself
Your laughter the song that cascaded over my body and soul in a pristine waterfall that smoothed out my edges
It felt as if the war that raged within had finally been calmed
There was peace in all the land between all the factions within my mind
Every thought a relief as they all clanked a beer in cheers
Not yet knowing I was only in the eye of the storm
As the light had not quite reached the furthest and darkest corners
The pearly gates I had entered had quickly become worn
The paint masquerading as pearls had begun revealing itself as bones as it chipped away
What had once been magnificent laughter and song became screams and cries of the souls of the damned and forgotten
The beautiful gardens that could only have been Eden had turned to ash and graves
Cerulean seas turned to scarlet rivers of blood
What I thought had finally become my liberation became the slave master
My own thoughts the shackles and whips
What had been my good night and sweet dreams became my good fright and sweet screams
My endless nightmare
The clanking beers and cheers became clanking swords and war cries
What once was the pristine waterfall that cascaded over my soul became the rivers that adorned my cheeks as they descended from the windows of my aching soul only to drown me
Instead of the ship that sailed me to my own little slice of paradise became the stone and chain to pull me down under back into the abyss from where I started
The arms that wrapped me in a gift soon wrapped around my neck in an offering to the king of Hell
My soul to be the next one screaming
The newest addition to the ever-growing collection to the cage
Perhaps too foolish to see the bones that the pearls paraded as
I only saw what I wanted to see and that ultimately became the prison within me
The gold throne on which I thought I sat was only skin and bone.


Man’s Search for Purpose

The search for purpose in these modern times has become excruciatingly trendy, overly romanticized, and highly stylized that it seems that it has become increasingly more difficult and confusing than it should be. It’s the talk of many books, blogs, and vlogs across the globe, but it seems that this talk is creating more confusion and anxiety rather than bringing people closer to finding themselves and their peace. The topic has become somewhat reminiscent of a Disney movie in which all you have to do is sit and meditate for a couple minutes and your purpose will wash over you in a blaze of glory, light, and joy. Everything will immediately make sense, and you will finally be saved from your misery only now being able to live happily ever after. The man (or woman) of your dreams will burst through your door on an ivory horse with a red rose clutched between his (or her) pearled teeth. It is almost expected to feel like something from a movie—man defeats challenge/obstacle and scores “the girl” in his endless testosterone-fueled conquest. 

People’s expectations are soaring exceedingly beyond reality. People expect to feel something—they expect to feel this overwhelming clarity, happiness, love, and passion as an angel descends from the Heavens to hand deliver their entire life’s purpose to them. It should feel like an Instagram-perfect shot because it can’t be legit if it isn’t on social media, right? Unfortunately, I feel that it is far less romantic and sexy than that, though.  

In my (limited) experience, though in the vastness of the Universe all of our experiences are limited whether young or old, purpose has felt like more of an impulsive need rather than being enveloped in the embrace of a lover. If you haven’t pursued it, it feels like not taking care of yourself or your needs while you sit and procrastinate until the end of time (like I did with the writing of this article); a nagging that never ceases. It’s the passing of an old friend on the street that you’ve been meaning to meet up with, or a pet demanding your attention until you finally can’t ignore it, giving it the attention it desires. It is the nurturing of the soul, or the neglect when you ignore it, and can either heal you or destroy you. It feels much like a physical, emotional, spiritual, and mental need. You can feel the need in your body. Your hands will get antsy and restless aching for a pen, your throat will ache in words unsaid and lyrics unsung, and your heart will sink into the depths of despair while your soul unhealed is too weak to lift it back up; however, when you fulfill it, you feel a certain level of satisfaction rather than an amazing epiphany, but it only lasts as long as you feed it. It is a simple need added onto your other baser needs; nothing more, nothing less. I feel that this is why many people struggle to find their life’s purpose due to the expectation that they should feel something massive. They feel that mountains should crumble at their feet and roar as they shift when it’s more of a whisper of the wind. The Universe does not shout. 

Many ignore the things they are good at due to the lack of roaring emotions, adrenaline, and seas of ecstasy. Building things doesn’t sound romantic to society, so one may ignore their calling of building whether it be building homes or relationships faded as it doesn’t seem extravagant enough. Destroying things, names and faces on billboards, corporate slavery sounds much more appealing to the pursuer of trends. Your hand may ache to serenade sheets in notebooks and journals with lyrics and poetry, or your throat may quake and shiver to vibrate into song and inspire to dance. Perhaps you’re perfectly content working in a donut shop, working in a restaurant, maintaining a building, or running a non-profit, but one may say that it can’t be true as I am still miserable. It can’t be true because it’s not extraordinary enough. It’s not about feeling good but more about creating meaning for yourself and others. Meaning can be the smile on a customer’s face when they taste the food you cooked for them, the way a song you wrote fills your audience with emotion, or the simple act of changing someone’s day just by sharing a simple “hello” and a smile. 

I feel that the voice of the Universe does not howl at the moon. That which roars is not coming from you. Listen for the voice that caresses your ears and soul gently. That is where the truth will reside.

When Everything Has Fallen Apart

When you’ve reached your limit and cannot take any more, you will take more.

When you have exhaled your last breath, you will inhale another.

You went to bed last night thinking that you cannot go another day, but here you are as you open your eyes once more.

You will do it again and again…

These days things seem like they couldn’t possibly get any worse. You may feel trapped in your own suffocating bubble of misery, meanwhile; everyone else’s bubble seems to be glowing. You may think to yourself, “What ever happened to the good old days?”
The days when things seemed less dreary.

When time seemed to fly rather than drag each torturous minute.

When your smiles were genuine and you actually meant it when you said that you were fine.

Although, perhaps you will then remember that maybe you were just idealizing those days; those good old days that never actually existed. Perhaps things have always been this way, but time has just changed how you have reacted to it. Maybe now you are wondering if things ever will get better. You were just suffering in a different way. Misery comes in different forms whether it be a blinding rage, a deep sadness, or a numbness that overtakes your whole body and mind to the point that you cannot feel a thing. It can be the sense of hopefulness slipping away where optimism once stood. You may think you have lost all hope, but a small amount will remain almost undetectable.
You will not want to take another step, but another step is exactly what you will take.
This feeling will come and go in a violent storm or a light rain. It may last a month, or it may last five years, but the dragon can be slain. Even the seemingly most indestructible can be taken down.
To slay the beast, you must find it’s weakness. Everything and everyone has one no matter how powerful. Your beast could be larger or smaller than mine, but a beast is still a beast when it is trying to bring you down. Take away its fuel and find the weakness.
Whatever you may be doing now, try the opposite. Instead of lying on the couch, go for a nice, long walk. Instead of scrolling through Facebook, flip the pages of a good book you’ve been meaning to read. Instead of feeding the beast, feed the person you wish to become; the person who is going to slay the beast and replace it.

Your body is a temple, and it’s time to disobey the current authority wrecking your mind and soul.

It is time to overthrow and bring in a new ruler; you, the one taking the back seat in your own mind.

It may not happen today nor tomorrow (as a war requires planning), but you must focus on the best battle plan to train for and then execute. Fight until one day you will wake up and be happy that you did.

Instead of waiting for a purpose, you can now give yourself one.

You will keep going because you always have, and you’re much too invested to give up now. May as well see it to the end.

The Greatness Complex

Most people have a very specific idea of what “greatness” is. It’s generally a very common theme that has been ingrained into our culture and society, especially in recent times. The idea that one is nothing unless he or she is a doctor, lawyer, entrepreneur, et cetera is being doggedly pushed by our parents, friends, random strangers on the internet, and everyone else. Everyone is saying the same thing, and unless you’re raking in millions and have a private jet then you are a massive failure and just need to dream bigger and work harder. 

Now, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t pursue any of those professions. If that is what you want to do, then do it. The key here is desire. What matters is what you want not how much you should be making. The problem is nobody is asking you what YOU want to do. 

How you want to save the world (or at least make it suck a little less.) 

What inspires the cliché within you and makes you dance around the room scream-singing some made-up song at the top of your lungs. 

What pulls you out of the darkness while the world tries to drag you kicking and screaming back in. 

Instead, people are telling you what they want you to do. They say you must go to college, but they aren’t going to help you with that. They tell you that you should start a business like (insert some family member that you’re constantly getting compared to.) They ask you when you’re going to do the things that they want you to do so that they don’t have to be disappointed in you, and so that you don’t make them look bad. 

What if I told you that you don’t have to be a doctor to be worthy, or an entrepreneur to contribute in a “meaningful” way? What if I told you that you are enough? That your dreams are worthy. That where you are now is meaningful. Even if you work at McDonald’s you are no less worthy than a CEO of a Fortune 500 company. 

In a world where your parents and peers are disappointed in you (even though you may be perfectly happy and content with where you are and where you’re going) because you didn’t go to a wildly expensive school to become a lawyer or doctor, I’m here to tell you that their disappointment is totally meaningless and irrelevant. It is not the end of the world because someone else will always be a lawyer and a doctor. Leave that for the people who really want to be there. It is not worth putting yourself on the sidelines to pay thousands of dollars to become someone you were never meant to be. Everybody cannot be those things, and those aren’t the only things that matter. It’s okay to not want to sell a product either. The world doesn’t need any more trends and fads. We don’t need more garbage products to sell. What this world really needs is the skills, talents, and genius that you have to offer. Instead of selling you the American dream I want to sell you your dream. 

The world can always use more poets, cooks, musicians, builders, educators, et cetera. The so-called “top” is not the only thing that matters. Passion and love for what you are doing matters. Money means nothing when you’re six feet under. It will just go somewhere else. The numbers in your bank account may all but disappear one day, but the number of people you inspired, touched, and influenced lasts for eternity. That number even multiplies when those you have inspired go on to inspire others. 

Greatness doesn’t just mean how many expensive cars you have and how nice and big your house is; success is very subjective. One person’s idea of success is irrelevant to you unless you share that idea. If success to you means making someone smile, then all you must do is smile at a stranger. If they smile back, then you have already achieved your ideal for success and greatness. Success is a daily achievement rather than a one-time deal. It isn’t a competition. Figure out your definition and seek to fulfill it. It’s not always so complicated or difficult. It can be as simple as selflessly cheering up a room while you’re aching inside, or handing some cash to someone struggling. It can be writing a song, painting a beautiful picture, or building something. Simple things are great too. The pursuit of bigger and better will just leave a person more and more empty.  

Don’t be afraid to be great and successful by your own guidelines.

Breathe Me To Life {Poem}

I’m faded in ways

Cue the shame

And no, drugs are not to blame

Caught up in a daze

My soul ripped from me leaving me empty

Nothing left but a void that’s screaming

But no one can hear in a vacuum

Is it too late for a wasteland to heal?

Searching for a former glory that never was

Now all that’s left is the next hit for a temporary buzz

Now back again at square one

What to do when everything is so wrong?

Trapped in a cycle in which I will never belong

What is the meaning in a world without soul?

Perhaps it’s in the same place where mine may be

Where love is weak and fear is stronger

Sometimes I wonder why I even bother

Perhaps I’m dead

Trapped in the limbo inbetween

Peering in on all the beautiful things I cannot reach

A place of stunning souls

There I could see yours shining brightest

I may not be able to reach, but I am not yet blind

My sight reaching farther than where I’m confined

With an inhale I may tremble

An exhale I may fall weak

My legs unable to carry

Yet my arms will pull me to you

I’ll give you my labored breaths

Perhaps they will give you what they never could give me

For in you I find my soul again

Every word and every touch pulling me back together

Even at the seams once weathered

Thinking my tears left me drained when they filled an abundant ocean instead

Thinking I crashed the seas alone when you were the wind that carried through my sails

With every caress traced a road map of every part of you I conquered

Every whispered word a verse of a song while I could not hear the music

Perhaps not all things must come to an end

For our embrace shall be imprinted into eternity

Perhaps not all stolen is lost

You showed me the way back home as you dragged us along

In the emptiness and cold lies a flame that will one day expand

Reaching the end of a chapter we found the rest of the story.

The Devil Within

So many people see the Devil as an entity that rules the lower levels and vibrations, but what if he is someone you know? Rather than residing in a far away place perhaps he inhabits those closest to us?

When someone who is supposed to love you and protect you happens to be your worst nightmare instead, who then do you turn to? Perhaps the Devil is not a thing, but merely a sickness of the mind and soul, passed from one person to the next like a contagious disease. One can teach and isolate the dark side to a captive audience, but it is up to them to make the choice. Will they carry on the sins of those before them, or will they break the pattern?

They can try to break us, but it is up to us to choose to drink the poison or dump it and save those around us including ourselves. Some choose to lend a home to the Devil just as those before them did and because they did, but others of us choose the alternative route for the same reason. Some carry their demons to victory while some carry them to their graves. Some of us in the newer generations shall take on the sins of those before us and finally lay them to rest forever rather than passing them on to the next down the line like the rest. The cycle shall end with us. While those before us were met with the Devil and agreed to possession, we will slay him on sight. Every decision is either feeding or starving the demons within. We are all capable of actions less than noble, but the more we starve them the closer they are to fading away to their end and our freedom; our beginning.

Some will choose to flood themselves to be left as an ark for the wicked, but many of us can still choose. We can choose to dehydrate and starve the damned instead of fattening them—-to end the cycle of pain; the reign of Hell, to weaken the hold of the reins the Devil has on this world until he too cannot grasp any longer. The day we cleanse the last vessel is the day the Devil dies; the sickness. Perhaps the Devil is a lot closer than we may think, but to purge the sickness we must choose to heal before it is too late.

The Devil’s Kiss {Poem}

There has got to be more than this

All the famine; the shame

The booze, money, and fame

Every day is always the same

Playing the same old game

Reaching in the dark yet always seeming to miss

Another dollar and another soldier to maim

Another spoke in the wheel without a name

New monkeys every day to tame

Sentenced to slavery if that is whence you came

How to recover as we fall deeper into the abyss

Sealing the end with the Devil’s last kiss.

The Other Side {Poem}

We have come so far in this world

Only now so close to the next bomb being hurled

We went from horses to cars; planes and boats

From furs shielding our skin to diamonds adorning our throats

The land once so grand and serene 

The grass will no longer be green

The sky a radiant shade of blue

Paint it gray is what the nukes will do

Log cabins to pillars of glass and steel

Those in power choke-held by the Devil with a deal

At this time it is a little too late

Too many bit on the bait

Cause of death annihilated by greed and pride 

I’ll see you all on the other side.

Respect the Journey, but Don’t Fear the End

All too often I see people all around me (especially on Facebook) who are depressed and anxious about where they currently are in their lives and where they want to be.

“If only I was there then my life wouldn’t be like this.”

“If only I had done that differently then I would not have lost everything I valued.”

Guess what? You’re not there. If you were supposed to be there right this second then you would have been there. If you had been there too early you would not have gained what you have gained from going through the storm where you are first. If you had not lost everything then you would have no room for something better.

You cannot speed up a quality life. You can’t skip the scene nor enter any cheat codes—you have to get through the game first. You can skip through the tutorial, but you will have to reference it anyway otherwise you will learn the harder way instead, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. The prize comes at the end of the journey, not before.

So why rush through it? Why run to your end? You won’t have anything else to work for—no more purpose. It’s over. You now have what you wanted, but now what? You’ve just ended your life, friend. You’ve taken your purpose prematurely, but you’ve also ended your journey with nothing left to pursue. Soon you will get bored while wishing for and daydreaming of a new journey to replace the one you cut short. The fun isn’t in the ending but in the game itself. Once your past becomes more exciting than your future you begin to die. That’s it. You won’t have a future but the inevitable end.

The end is nothing to fear, though. One should not be so afraid of endings that they never take the time to cherish what they have accomplished. For an end to a lifelong journey of selfless servitude (within passion, love, and reason) can mean you have fulfilled what you have come for. If someone still needs you then there is still work yet to be done. I know that there is a need for this type of blog (even if people don’t yet read it nor know it exists) as the world still has plenty of growing to do. It has been getting steered in the right direction, but it is still slow-going enough to hit worse hardship.

The day that no one comes to my work (or there is no need for work similar to it) is the day I and we will have succeeded at my and our collective mission(s). When my work is no longer needed nor required then that means the world has finally become what it was meant to be. If it is still needed by the time I have nothing more to give, then another will finish the job one day.

Sometimes the journey is the blessing, and sometimes the end is—or both. Do not rush to the end as that means you will miss out on a wild ride, but do not fear the end as you have contributed all you can and have lived a life that succeeded in something. Celebrate your battles and accomplishments. Love it all.

Exploring the Meaning of Life

The meaning of life has been debated for centuries since our brains could deliberate such concepts. Why are we here? What is right and wrong? What are we supposed to do? What’s the point? Why the hell am I here? What about my dog?

Some would say it is solely to have a good time, to have sex and make money, find your dream career, to get married and raise a family, pay taxes and slave away at a job until you die, et cetera. Everyone has some kind of idea in their head, but nobody really seems to know for sure (they will say they know for sure, but don’t listen to anyone who thinks they have guarantees because those who guarantee know the least).

Some think that there is a reason grander than us, while others believe we are nothing but a jumble of atoms and stardust that got “lucky” enough to randomly come together to evolve and create our destructive species for no reason at all. Just soulless beings here for no reason to just die and cease to exist.

There are a few questions that come to mind when we consider both points—on the one hand you have the belief that it is all random. Everything we see and experience around us is nothing more than a lucky spark of life and evolution that exploded into existence. Everything from the way humans and animals have developed to the man-made and natural that has come to exist. How can such a complicated and vast Universe be created by random? Under what conditions could this have been made possible on it’s own? How could a world like this just mindlessly and unpurposefully just come to be? Why did it evolve this way and not in a completely different way? Wouldn’t you think it could be far more than just happenstance?

Then we have the possibility of purpose. A purpose first implies that there is something or someone behind it. Who or what could this be? Some would say there is some guy in the sky while others say that it’s more of an energy rather than an entity. An energy all around us and within us. This other energy is without one particular form as it is everything instead that we all come from—God vs Source or “God” energy. But who created that then? Also, if we are referring to God then would there not be a Goddess? A feminine energy to help in baring the world as a man cannot do it alone God or not, I would imagine. Who then created the creator who created the creator of the creator? This also implies that the world is only a couple thousand years old which definitely is not the case. I don’t believe that there is a vengeful ruler, personally, but I am not here to judge anyone’s beliefs—just here to learn and speculate.

Now we have Source energy. Some would suggest that there is a source energy that has always been and always will be—that we are all-knowing souls living a human existence, and we all came from this source. We are all one, and we are each a piece of this source broken off that needs to return to the natural state of love that gets corrupted with time from birth. So then why did this “source” create us? How did it come to be? Why did it come to be this way? How does it work? Some say that perhaps we are the Universe getting to know itself—that we came here to learn. At the same time, though, we are supposed to be all-knowing beings, so why would we need to come here to learn if we supposedly already know everything there is to know? Are we not as knowledgeable as we thought? Or are we here for other reasons? Could we possibly be continuously reincarnating souls that come here to learn new things? If we are, then what are we learning?

Perhaps we evolve on a soul level, too, rather than purely evolving on the material level. Perhaps we have lost the way and have to relearn our true ways. We may all have different reasons for coming here—different purposes whether it be inspiring the masses with music or dedicating your life to end world hunger. Perhaps all of those micro purposes come together then for an even greater purpose for the macro that we all share and work towards—a world of unconditional love and peace for all. By all I really do mean all.

We cannot guarantee anything—not even ourselves, but the one thing we can count on is love. There is no other way—nothing else to work for. Love can look like many things. Whether it be a mother’s love for her child, a vocalist pouring passion into his/her music, a painter spreading love across the canvas with each stroke, it all translates into acts of love for yourself and everything within and without the Universe. Love is the reason we do things if we are a normal functioning human being. That’s why I write for this blog after all even if nobody reads it.

With all of the killing, starvation, slavery, hate, et cetera there is a clear need for more love and spiritual evolution. We are evolving too quickly materially, but we are not catching up enough spiritually. All of the suffering ailing humanity can trace back to an overabundance of material advancement in a world where people are not spiritually evolved enough to handle that without using that material “success” to harm another. We don’t need bigger bombs we need bigger hearts. More loving rather than more hating. Once we evolve our souls, hearts, and minds then we may finally overcome humanity’s myriad shortcomings.

So then I would perhaps come to the conclusion that the meaning of life is simply to love unconditionally. Do we really have to have a who or what? Does it really matter all that much here? That part only matters when you reach the end. Perhaps love is all we really need, and all we really need to know. If we needed to know right now then I would imagine we would know. If we come in knowing too much it ruins the movie—the mystery. You don’t learn shit if you come in with the preconceived idea that you already know everything. Just do all things with love and compassion for the macro and you will begin to find your way to your personal micro.